


Lost

by exocholic



Series: Three A.M. [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 04:27:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10209605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exocholic/pseuds/exocholic
Summary: For now, one is enough - Chanyeol is enough.





	

 

 

It was all confusing, like a busy freeway. With roads on top of one another, and another, and another - stacked up like a pile of bricks - with all its ends a humongous unbreakable wall. The cars zoom past with no speed limit you can barely catch a glimpse of them; crashing on the end with a loud terrifying bang. Noises, too many noises.

 

That was his thoughts, breaking records as they drive through his mind like they couldn't care less about safety. Giving zero fucks at the person it was slamming at.

 

Baekhyun was lost. His mind in frenzy. His heartbeat having its own race in his chest. His eyesight blurry of all the tears that were threatening to break free. His hands trembling like a fan on its highest setting. His body numb yet is aching. And it all hurts. He wants to disappear. Be engulfed into darkness and just...never come out again.

 

He stares at the phone on his hand, unblinking; turning the screen on every time it turned off. The bright light twinkling amidst the darkness because he couldn't even set the display to its max time-out. Fifteen seconds was all it gave.

 

There were many names registered in his contact list, but Baekhyun browses through them all hesitant on who to call and...reveal his current state.

 

There was Junmyeon, a very dear friend. But he was in med school so calling him would probably only interrupt his focus. He was too a studious student, with the last they had a proper talk was roughly five months ago. Baekhyun did not want to cause any potential distractions. Last time he heard of him, the young man was stressing over his exams. Baekhyun will only add to that.

 

There was Sehun. They weren't close but they chatted sometimes. He, on the other hand, was in law school. If Baekhyun called him, he would also probably end up a distraction. Not too long ago, about two months before in the last time he spoke to him, he was venting over all the readings piled up for his classes. Baekhyun doesn't want to throw him off his focus with his emotional turmoil.

 

There was Yixing. Baekhyun likes Yixing. He was another dear friend. But the young man suffers the same emotional mess he does. No, Baekhyun cannot call him. He was already exuding such dark energy he doesn't want to pass it onto someone else. Lord knows how just easily he can bring someone down with the baggage he carries.

 

There was Jongin. But Baekhyun has never talked seriously with him. Heart to heart talks with Jongin seem so strange, what more if Baekhyun breaks down on him. A burden he will be. Baekhyun doesn't want to be a burden. Not to Jongin or to anyone else for that matter.

 

There was Jongdae! One of the very few he is closest to. One of the very few he opens his heart to; his troubles, his fears. And one of the only three who knew how to deal with an emotionally messed up Baekhyun. He could call him. But...it was already past midnight, could he still be awake? Jongdae has work tomorrow too. He probably shouldn't. Baekhyun would only take away the sleep Jongdae much needed after an overnight work the day before. Yeah, he shouldn't. While he does pour his heart out to the man every once in awhile, he should be ashamed and hold back and leave his friend alone.

 

Oh, there was Kyungsoo too! He is in the same boat as Jongdae. One of the very few he does not hesitate to open himself up on; one of those who also knew how to deal with him in his messy conditions. ‘Walking Diaries’ he likes to call them. Instead of writing down his thoughts and feelings, he speaks it to their listening ears. Except maybe...tonight. Kyungsoo also works. It was also stressful. And it was still past midnight. Baekhyun will only burden him, too.

 

_Baekhyun will only burden all of them._

  
  
  


Past two in the morning it is now. Baekhyun gave up the desire to have company, to talk to someone, to let someone hear his incoherent thoughts. Maybe he can get through this on his own. All he has to do is sleep. All he has to control is keep his tears intact. He can stop it. He was strong.

 

“Stop thinking,” he whispers to himself; over, and over, and over again. “Stop thinking, please”. Baekhyun pleads his mind, slapping his head with his hands like that will do the trick.

 

On second thought, he wasn't so strong. No, he was weak.

 

The trembling of his hands has faltered down now. He could feel his body again, at least he would like to think so. He finally stopped keeping his phone from timing-out. It can rest now; no more blinking every fifteen seconds untouched. His mind, though, is still a busy freeway. There was still that wall, the cars were still crashing. Endless, it seems.

 

Baekhyun jerks up to his phone vibrating. He checks it immediately and apparently, he just received a text message. It was from Chanyeol. Odd, he was still awake at this ungodly hour?

 

When he opens it, Baekhyun feels the rush of threatening tears hit him again. This time stronger, merciless.

 

 ** _You okay?_** The message said.

 

How could he have known? Baekhyun hesitates to reply. But he types up one, after much thought if he should let the man know he too was still awake.

 

 **I am** , he lies, **you're still awake? @A@** he adds, with a matching emoticon to not give his current state away. Baekhyun’s messages without one are an automatic giveaway he was not, he knew.

 

 **Why?** he adds carelessly later, not long after he sent the first one.

 

He receives no reply for a moment. Tick-tock the seconds went by and Baekhyun thought Chanyeol was just being random. But he jumps startled when his phone vibrates, and this time, continuously. A call. Chanyeol's name blaring on the screen.

 

Baekhyun panics. The anxiety heightens to alarming levels and his heartbeat races back in an instant, but far more pounding than earlier. He is reluctant to pick up the call; a finger hovering above the reject button.

 

In the end, the call ends. And he breathes a sigh. Or at least he thought so, because his phone is back to vibrating alive once more. This time, he accepts; though only after 15 seconds pass.

 

 _“You're not okay,”_ was the first thing Baekhyun hears through the receiver before he was even able to utter a word.

 

Silence reigns between them after. Chanyeol patient until Baekhyun decides to speak; Baekhyun trying hard to compose himself. He is on the verge of breaking down, again.

 

“How did you know?” Baekhyun finally says, not even trying to hide the pain evident in his voice, confirming Chanyeol's claim.

 

 _“I just know,”_ Chanyeol answers. But he sighs when Baekhyun remains mute. _“You didn't text me goodnight and you waited before you picked up my call._

 

 _“I know that sounds silly, ‘cause you're not required to text me every night or answer immediately after one or two rings. But we both know that’s not you. At least to me that's not you,”_ softens Chanyeol's voice. _“You always text me. No matter the time, you always do. And you answer right away when I call. That or you don't answer at all because you're busy. You do not do both at the same time, especially in the middle of the night._

 

_“But when you do, it only means two things - you can't sleep, you're not yourself. You can't sleep because you're stuck to your own thoughts again. And when that happens, you forget your habits. You forget to let me know you're alright, even if all you're saying is ‘goodnight’.”_

 

Baekhyun finally lets the tears free. They pour and cascade like waterfall. His eyes bawling as he suppressed his cry with a hand on his mouth, yet awfully clear and audible.

 

Chanyeol. There was Chanyeol. His best friend. His boyfriend. His tall and lean Walking Diary who not only lends a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, but also gives warmth, security, and comfort.

 

He stands on the same boat as Jongdae and Kyungsoo - one of the very few he floods his heart out to. But Chanyeol stands perhaps a bit higher. In a level where Baekhyun sheds every wall, every brick, every guard - to reveal all that is him - of flaws and utter imperfection. A person who knew who he is far beyond his brightest grins and sunshine eyes. The only one he trusts his whole self to - in his happiest days and his darkest. The only one among everyone, who memorized him, got to know his entire being - his quirks, his interests, his habits - more than he even knows himself.

 

If Jongdae and Kyungsoo knew how to deal with him in his messed up state, comforting Baekhyun to the best of their abilities and something he truly appreciates and is just as grateful - Chanyeol, however, knew how to love him.

 

 _“I know you, Baekhyun,”_ Chanyeol whispers on the other end of the line, words resonating like a sweet melody to Baekhyun's ears. His voice alone is enough to heal him. Temporary, but enough. _“I know you,”_ he repeats.

 

_“You do not have to tell me anything to know you're not okay.”_

 

It was unfair, is it not? What had Baekhyun done to be granted this person? How is he - someone so broken inside it was disgusting - be loved by Chanyeol for all that he is, willingly shower him of affection and security he craves but unworthy of.

 

Chanyeol was truthfully the first person to pop into his head. The person he had the strongest desire to talk to, a presence he so very much ached to have. But he pushed his name aside. Chanyeol has dealt with him in these episodes of his far too many times already he has become dependent. And he does not deserve such heavy burden. Chanyeol does not deserve to be dragged down with him in his fits and cries and chaos. _Yet here he is._

  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everything was calm now. The busy freeway gone, taking all its cars. No more walls, no more noise. A mere street takes over. There were still cars passing through, but no speeding, no races, no crashes. It was just a slow drive of thoughts, through gray asphalt lined with trees and blurry houses. His mind was still muddled, perhaps that will not clear until he sleeps it away to the next morning or two. But at least he can breathe now.

 

“Sleep, my love,” Chanyeol whispers to his ear without the distance of a call. He was now laying in Baekhyun's bed, all flesh and real, cradling him in his warmth. For the man came without question - like he has always, always done when Baekhyun needed someone; when he needed him.

 

“No more thinking,” a kiss on his hand. “I am here now,” a kiss on his forehead. “I will not leave,” a kiss on his cheek.

 

“I love you,” and a sweet, sweet kiss on his lips, “remember that”.

 

Baekhyun's cries have long ended. His tears dried and brushed off by Chanyeol, touches that painted a smile on his face; strained but lovely - always lovely to Chanyeol's eyes. His trembles replaced by shivers, by the heat of Chanyeol's fingertips trailing on his skin, innocent touches that raced his heartbeat for a different reason, a better one. Nothing hurts anymore, and he no longer wants to disappear.

 

_Chanyeol is here now._

 

It was past three in the morning, and Baekhyun finally falls into slumber. In the arms of Chanyeol, he gives in to exhaustion, getting his much needed rest. And in his kisses full of promises, and eyes that never left his own until he can no longer keep them open full of love - does he dream of tomorrow again.

 

Another day of reality, but another day with Chanyeol by his side.

 

Maybe next time, he can have the courage to call one of his friends: to confide, to vent, to ask for a listening ear. To feel less of a burden and just free himself of his chaotic thoughts; to seek their friendship and presence that he does not doubt they will give; to open more and be honest. Maybe next time…

 

For now, one is enough - Chanyeol is enough.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Excuse this big of a mess and my apologies for it. I needed to write to keep myself sane or I'm seriously going to go haywire crazy. Let me live with my fictional comforting presence of Chanyeol in Baekhyun's life, hahaha. But hi! I wanted to share too. So here's to my glorious mess, LOL.
> 
> This was written in the AU of Three A.M. posted on [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1008402/). I have also decided that I will probably turn this AU as my go-to when I'm emotionally all over the place and utterly incoherent to properly function or think straight and need something to keep me sane (。_＋)＼
> 
> Breakdown Guide 101: Indulge in ChanBaek.
> 
> Note to self and to everyone who might be going through the same thing: I need you to stay strong. ~~because holy mother of-- you're going to die one day soon if you don't goddammit!~~
> 
> Ah, emotions, you and what you do to me. I don't know if I should be grateful or not. But thank you to everyone who has taken their time to read this piece of meh. I am always grateful ♥


End file.
